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Monday, May 11, 2015

Without the lows, no highs...

Life is a curious thing. It comes with highs and lows. And one would expect not to like the lows. I don't love them either, but I do cherish them. Because it reminds me of the big highs that I have experienced before, and hopefully will again.

Follow your heart, they say. 
But what if your heart is consequently pointing you back in the direction of a country you had to leave? Isn't it just the mountains that I miss? So I try the next best thing, Norway, and see if it works.

And there I am, in the middle of Oslo. With enough clothes packed to survive a few days. I bought a ticket to just do something, to get my process of making decisions about my life go forward. Do I want to move to Oslo, will it be what I hope for? Best thing is to feel the vibe of Oslo, to explore the hills and forests of the region, to make contacts. To find what I miss so much from Canada.
And, do I want to move? Yes! No. Maybe? 
At last I decide I don't have the energy right now to take that big leap of a new country again. My brain already feels like it needs a shrink visit. So I'm off to go skiing for a week.
Best. Therapy. Ever.

While I am trying to find my path of life in the Netherlands and enjoy seeing friends and family again a sequence of events happens in a short period of time.
My sister gives birth to a beautiful baby boy, my father is diagnosed with heart failure and I get offered a job in Hamburg. While still unemployed and living at my parents I am able to spend a lot of time with my new nephew, and my two nieces as well. Much more important, I spend lots of quality time with my dad. At this time it is obvious he only has a few more month to live. All the harder it is to move to a new city 5 hours away to start a new job. But I manage somehow.

A few weeks later on monday 13th of April 2015 my dad Hans Kalkhoven passes away. The funeral, or as we like to call it, the goodbye party is a beautiful day and can not have been any better. He will be missed by many.



Loosing any parent has a great impact on life. On top of this I also feel a bit lost since I am back from Canada. Almost a bit like Heidi in the big city. Just when I find out that I love living near mountains as it simply makes me a happier and healthier person, I now find myself at a desk in an office in Hamburg. The most beautiful city of Germany.
The next mountain? An 8 hour drive.

Surviving the low.
Focus on the good bits. Find them if need be. Push yourself to make new friends. Accept the spontaneous self-invites from dear friends to visit for the weekend. Spend a lot of time with family. Suddenly I am glad I am here and not far away in Canada. I am surviving the low and I am cherishing it. I'll pour myself a rye & ginger, to reminisce a little.